Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Fanfic: "How Pathetic" by Ikaris
''How pathetic...''
It came out so quiet, I hardly believed I had spoke it. It sounded like I was whimpering.
I sat up in the bed and looked out the window. The bright sun seemed to be mocking me.
I tiredly went over to the blinds to close them. I didn't even make it. I broke down half way when a memory of cowering in the shade of my car while I got Bella from a friends house seared it's monstrous head.
Digging my fingers into the carpet of the hotel room floor, I silently let the pain have me. Why couldn't I get over this? Why couldn't I move on as I'm sure Bella has? Why was I so... Pathetic?!
Maybe if I had been stronger, I wouldn't be here alone. Bella would be with me. We would be planning our trip to Jacksonville. We would be cuddled up on my couch listening to the CD I made for her. Anywhere! But not alone. If I still had Bella I would never be alone.
Sighing, I realized that was a lie too. Even if Bella and me were still together, she would leave eventually. For one reason or another. Wanting more. Wanting less. Death...
I could still see the look on her face. The look like I had just torn her soul out. Her life! She believed every word I said. That was the most horrible reaction. Worse than her denying it. It was like she had just said, ''I know Edward doesn't love me.'' All over again.
Tiredly looking up, I saw the forgotten blinds were still open. I stared menacingly at them, as if this would make them shut on their own. Of course they didn't.
Groaning, I stood up and shut them, letting my manly sparkle die down.
Why not go back? I question my self darkly. I was tired of ripping myself apart. You can't have her forever, I remedied my self. Why not enjoy it while it lasts? These were all code words for: You know you're to weak to go on, just give up.
So, of course, I pleasantly gave up.
There was a knock on my door suddenly. Strange, had I been so preoccupied by my ruined life that I hadn't herd their thoughts. Or maybe it was ...
Jumping to the door I flung it open, only to come face to face with Rosalie. My shoulders slumped. ''Of course...'' I grumbled. Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing. She came in and sat down on my bed. ''Make you're self at home...'' I hissed icily. Rosalie glared, but it melted into a mask of sadness. ''Edward, listen...'' She trailed off, took a deep breath, and fired off.
''Look, Edward, I know I should have waited so the rest of the family could tell you with me, but you need to know now! You have a right! And I know you wouldn't like it if I kept it a secret from you. And it would be horrible if we let you find out on you're own! So here I am, telling you because, well, if I don't do it now, I won't have the courage to later! All right, Edward, here goes! I just had to make sure you understood that before I told you, so...'' She babbled incoherently for another couple minutes. I missed half of it because I just wasn't really paying attention. But the last sentence stayed clear in my ears.
''Edward, Bella's dead!''
I stared at Rosalie the longest time before finally crying out, ''Rosalie, how could you even say such a lie to me?! Do you think it's funny? Do you find amusement in my-''
She cut me off. ''Oh Edward, will you stop! Alice had a vision of Bella jumping off a cliff! It was a suicide!-'' She stopped and put a hand over her mouth, as if she had spilled a secret.
I didn't speak, I didn't move, I didn't breath. As if in doing all these things, I could stop time. And, of course, it didn't work.
Realization washed over me. She's dead! She's dead! No! She's not supposed to kill herself! She's supposed to die like a normal person! But I knew, I'd been prolonging the the thought of death, making myself believe me and Bella would live forever.
I opened my mouth to scream, but all that came out was a choking sound. I must of looked ready to kill over because Rose looked next to tears, then she stood up and hugged me.
I didn't feel the emotion behind it.
I didn't feel anything. Except pain. Pain bleeding out over every other emotion. And ten times as powerful as anything I've ever felt. Rose must have let go then, because her hands were now clutched tightly together.
I didn't feel it as I collapsed against the wall. There seemed to be no difference in what I saw when I fell to the the ground. Defeat washed over me. I turned my gaze up. Past Rosalie.
''Why are you doing this? I understand if you want to punish me, but why Bella?'' I got no answered.
''Edward?...'' Rosalie whispered. Without awnsering, I stood up and walked out.
Whipping open my cell phone, I pressed speed dial six. It rang three times before someone awnsered.''Hello?'' At first I thought it was Charlie, but the voice sound huskier.
This person would have no clue where Bella would be. So I asked, ''Where's Charlie?'' It sounded like an order, rude. But I didn't care.
The voice replied, ''He's at the funeral.'' I hung up. Then tossed it in a trash can.
That decided it. I left Rio, and headed for Italy.
Fanfic: Alternate Epilogue to New Moon by Vampire_Love14
Almost everything was back to normal-the good, pre-zombie normal, in less time than I would have believed possible. The hospital welcomed Carlisle back with open arms, not bothering to conceal their delight that Esme found life in L.A little to her liking.
So, like I said, back to normal. But there was one thing I couldn’t get out of my head-Edwards proposal.
It gnawed me to pieces for weeks and days and weeks. I pondered it everywhere, eating, going to the bathroom...Everywhere. I imagine my mood must have shifted dramatically over the weeks, but Edward didn’t remark at all about my sudden sighing, grinning, or blushing a red deeper than the pepperoni on my untouched pizza at lunch for apparently no reason at all.
What had I done? I cried in my head. Here was Edward offering two things I wanted more than anything- Edward being the one to make me immortal, and a lifetime with him! I punched myself in the thigh. What was I thinking?
I pouted in my head for it seemed like years, imagining scenarios where I would confront him, where he would change me. But I made the cowardly lion look like Hercules.
I was brutally agonizing myself over it, hating myself for hating myself, because I couldn’t concentrate on the time I could now spend with him. Edward.
But suddenly, driving me home from school, Edward put his foot down.
“Bella, what is bothering you?” He asked quietly, turning the unbreakable force of his golden eyes on me.
“Nothing”, I protested, looking out the window. “I’m just thinking.” He waited for a beat.
“About...”, He prompted.
It hurt me to do it, but it was the only thing I could say that he wouldn’t question me about.
“Jacob.”, I replied curtly, staring out of the window, trying desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.
Edward looked away for a moment, presumably to hide his clenched jaw. He relaxed and looked at me. “He’ll come around, Bella. He misses you, but he is afraid and far too angry at me to visit.” He paused. “Also, he is as stubborn as you are, and believes that you should come to him.” Edward smiled half-heartedly, but I could see the pain that brewed.
“He should come to ME.” I muttered. Even though it started as a lie, my stubborn truth came boiling out.
Edward chuckled darkly. “He won’t. Mainly because of me.” “But he knows that you’re not... normal.” I protested. He shook his head.
“The enmity is rooted too deeply, Bella.” And then we were silent.
I am the most horrible person in the world, I thought miserably. I was upset about Jacob, but with Edward near me, it was hard to think about unhappy things- even my former best friend, or even the awful way I rejected him when I left, choosing the “bloodsuckers” over my safe harbor, poor, sweet Jacob. And when I did think of Jake, I always felt guilty about not thinking of him more. But I was much more angry at Jake than drowning in sorrow about him, little did Edward know. Jacob had no right to be angry at me this way! He knew I had always loved Edward! Or maybe, he didn’t want to know and accept it. But at least, Edward didn’t suspect I wasn’t telling the truth.
Or so I thought. Edward seemed to sense the raging emotions in my head. He pulled over on the highway.
“Bella, you’re lying to me.” He growled. I didn’t reply, I just stared at my hands in my lap. He snarled. “Isabella Marie Swan, if you don’t answer...” He didn’t finish the threat.
Finally I turned to face him. I stared at him, feeling the force of his eyes on me. I could hear the rain pounding on the roof of his Volvo three times louder, and I felt the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I felt powerful and brave, so I said the first words that came to my head.
“Will you marry me?” I breathed. A look of astonishment crossed his face. I could see whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that.
Suddenly, he took my hot face into his cool hands and whispered against my cheek.
“No.” he whispered. I gasped and blushed angrily. Oh god, what was I thinking? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I tried to pull away, but he held me tightly. My lips trembled. How could he say that to me?
I remained silent, anger rushing through my body. He breathed into my face. I choked on the sweet aroma. He was such a cheater.
“No, Bella. Will you marry me? I blushed furiously at my stupidity. Then I kissed him so forcefully that he actually moved a little in surprise.
“Of course.”
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